Ever wondered what it would be like to attend a silent meditation retreat? Read on to hear about my experience so you can decide whether you want to attend a silent meditation retreat.

I have always been health conscious - I try to eat healthy-ish; I stay active; I prioritize sleep, and I attempt to manage my stress levels. I began meditating around 2019, prompted by high personal and professional stress levels. I started using the Headspace app, attended a weekly meditation session, and attended a one-day meditation retreat at Green Gulch, a meditation center in nearby Marin, California. Meditation was one of the most effective ways to tune out my raging feelings and racing mind and keep calm amidst the chaos in my life.

Then the pandemic hit, and, ironically, much of the stress in my life calmed. I continued my regular meditation practice. Thankfully, my meditation teacher, Will Kabat-Zinn, held a daily thirty-minute virtual meditation in addition to our weekly virtual community meditation.

In January 2022, when we’re all thinking about New Year’s Resolutions, I started thinking about attending a more extended meditation retreat. I was curious about the experience and wasn't sure what to expect. I had heard author Yuval Noah Harari who wrote Sapiens, state that extended meditation retreats helped him focus as he wrote his books. As a fellow writer who struggles with concentration, I wanted to know whether going on a more extended retreat would help me concentrate better.

I live in Northern California, an area known for its hippie leanings, so many meditation retreats were opening up post-pandemic. I had heard extensively about Spirit Rock, a meditation center in Marin. Spirit Rock had a short three-day nature retreat in May 2022. It was the perfect length of time - I wasn't sure if I could commit any longer than a few days. I hypothesize, test, and iterate many things in life, so I wanted to try a three-day retreat before committing to a more extended retreat.

One-Day Silent Meditation Retreat

In preparation for the upcoming retreat, I attended a one-day silent meditation at the nearby Jikoji Zen Center, a Buddhist temple in the foothills of the Santa Cruz mountains. Jikogi held silent meditation retreats every month. I walked in and saw approximately two dozen participants sitting on a cushion on the bamboo floors, silently facing the wall. A fire blazed in the center of the room, keeping all of us warm on this especially chilly day. The guide, dressed in a long monk robe, explained that we would alternate between sitting and walking meditation periods. Then, after two 30-minute walking and sitting meditation sessions, we would break for lunch.

This was my first time participating in a day-long silent meditation, and it was surprisingly easy. Perhaps it was because it was cold, and meditation helped take my mind off the cold. Perhaps it was because I knew we were alternating between sitting and walking meditation. Nevertheless, I remember feeling at ease and not terribly strained to sit and notice my thoughts.

After two or three hours, we ended the morning session with Buddhist chanting. Jikogi is a Buddhist monastery, so this made sense. However, the previous meditation programs I attended didn't involve any religious ceremony, so this was somewhat surprising.

We then broke for lunch and ate silently. I remember being naively surprised that the whole day would be entirely silent. I expected a little more chatter, but I practiced being silent. Lunch was lentil stew with salad and rice - a common meditation retreat lunch.

After lunch, we had an hour to ourselves - some people walked the property's grounds; others read; others meditated. I chose to use the hour to journal and decompress my thoughts.

The afternoon session resumed at 2 pm. I settled into a chair this time and began feeling very sleepy. I was grateful when we started the walking meditation because walking helped me to stay alert. I especially liked walking by the fire as the day remained chilly.

I decided to leave early, around 4:30 pm. I couldn’t concentrate any longer, so I thought it would be best to depart.

I wasn't sure what I would feel after the retreat. I didn't know if I would feel extra mindful, relaxed, or even better able to concentrate. I tried to be aware of any changes in my mental state but didn't notice any significant changes post-retreat.

Three-Day Silent Meditation Retreat at Spirit Rock

After my one-day retreat experience, I wanted to know if I could commit to a three-day retreat. More than once, I considered canceling. I knew I could get through a day of meditation, but I wasn't sure how much more I could do. I also had a lot on my mind. Nevertheless, I pushed myself to go. This was definitely an experience I wanted to try at least once; I believed it would make me a better and more effective person.

I was surprised by all the preparation emails I received a few weeks before the retreat. Spirit Rock told us exactly what to expect and what to bring. They even sent an email with the anticipated weather conditions, reminding everyone that we would face hot days and cool mornings and evenings. This was the first time I had experienced this level of detail - Jikogi didn't even require sign-ups to attend their one-day silent retreat.

I chuckled at the line in the email that stated: "Retreatants are asked to practice “taking what is offered” around rooms and food, part of the ancient Buddhist practice of renunciation of preferences. This kind of renunciation cultivates simplicity for oneself and generosity for others." As someone with many preferences, I definitely need to learn how to be more easygoing and simple.

Spirit Rock Retreat Check In

The retreat started on Sunday, May 23rd, 2022. We were required to arrive between 2:30 pm and 4:30 pm to get COVID tested. Spirit Rock told us that we needed to notify them if we were going to be late; otherwise, they would give our spots away to people on the waitlist.

Driving into Spirit Rock was beautiful. I drove from San Francisco across the breathtaking Golden Gate Bridge into Marin, where the retreat was held. Marin is a beautiful (and wealthy and white) suburb of San Francisco. Charming towns dotted the redwood-lined road to Spirit Rock. I made a mental note to check out the cute area more thoroughly later.

Spirit Rock itself was tucked off the main road. The first thing that caught my attention was the beautiful scenery - golden hills with a few brown Asian-style buildings.

I parked at the base of the hill and walked to the building meant for check-in. I was immediately asked to take a COVID test. Once the test returned negative, I was allowed to check-in.

At check-in, I was assigned a room in the dormitory and given my daily work meditation assignment - cleaning the laundry room. I was hoping to get a copy of the schedule, but the staff told me they only post the program in the dormitories and the dining hall. They don't provide additional documents. My need to control was already frustrated.

A retreat staff member helped me grab my suitcases and dropped me off in the dining hall for dinner and announcements. The dining hall was a vast, spacious building built in Japanese architecture. Two long metal buffet tables greeted us as we walked into a closed-off kitchen in the back and ample seating to the left and in the courtyard.

At dinner, the kitchen staff gave us an overview of how meal times would work and the kitchen guidelines. The staff member explained that lunch would be the day's main meal, accompanied by a lighter breakfast and evening snack service. Our main meals would be vegetarian. There was a side table of food for vegans, gluten-free individuals, or people who wanted minimally processed food. In addition, the first ten minutes of each meal period would be dedicated to meals for staff members, the elderly, and those with food allergies.

Settling into my dormitory

I took the half-hour between dinner and opening announcements to settle into my room. I had been assigned a double room in the Upekkha building, which meant equanimity (unshakeable calmness). Appropriate, I thought, because I had much calmness to learn. I interpreted my building assignment as the universe telling me to be a little more accepting and less self-absorbed. The dormitories, built in an Asian style with brown peaked roofs, were not too large - two stories with about eight rooms on each floor. Each floor had a bathroom unit with two showers, two toilets, and two sinks.

The bedrooms were efficiently planned. Each bedroom had a single or a double twin bed, bookshelves, small closets, night tables with alarm clocks and night lights, and a small sink.

My roommate and I quietly introduced ourselves to each other. She helpfully told me where I could find linens and towels. I found the housekeeping supplies and made my twin bed. The supply closet also had space heaters and fans since temperature fluctuations were so common. I felt like I was a freshman in college again.

To my horror, I realized there was no wifi or cell reception. Upon check-in, the instructions also stated that we shouldn't use our digital devices. I reluctantly powered down my devices and tucked them away.

Goodbye, world. Well, at least for a few days.

Spirit Rock Dormitory and Bathrooms

Opening Announcements

I then went down the hill to the meditation hall for opening announcements. The meditation hall was a large octagonal structure with large windows. I could see the evening light pouring in from the sun, dipping into the golden hills. We started with a logistical overview of the next few days. Next, the instructors introduced themselves, their backgrounds, and their practice.

Next, they asked us to turn in our cell phones and all digital devices. My digital devices were off, but I was horrified by the thought of turning them over. I wasn't yet ready to break this attachment. The instructors also suggested not journaling, something I couldn't agree with. I often feel like my head is exploding with thoughts, and if I don't journal and write, I’ll be emotionally overwhelmed.

We then began to talk about a few more concepts in Buddhism and got started with our first meditation session. Unfortunately, it was already 9 pm. I dozed off from exhaustion. So I excused myself and headed to my room to unwind and head to bed. My roommate came in shortly after, and we drifted off to sleep.

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